Sunday, February 21, 2010

Kenny's Saga: The Terminator Part Deux

When Shel told Kenny that Eric was waiting in the parking lot to talk to him, a dozen scenarios flew through his mind. At first, Kenny thought, maybe Eric would just deck him. What if Eric

The Terminator album coverImage via Wikipedia

was crazy though? Kenny had only met him two weeks ago, and for all Kenny knew he could be some kind of marker sniffing, gun toting maniac.
"Just relax," Kenny told himself, "He's probably just here to kick your ass."
As Kenny walked towards the door, Shel asked if he wanted her to come along.
Kenny, in an attempt to keep up the illusion of bravado, replied, "It could get rough out there, kid. Real rough. Wouldn't want you to get involved."
Kenny winked and opened the door. He immediately heard the sound of a car's hood being punched.
"Well, Shel, maybe you could just watch from the door."
Kenny saw Eric in the darker part of the lot. Eric was violently pummeling his own car. Kenny wondered if Eric had been stung by a swarm of bees since he last saw him, for he had swelled once again to a much larger size.
"Hi Eric," Kenny said as he walked in his direction.
Eric stopped beating his Ford Taurus and looked up. "Kenny," he said quietly.
Kenny walked up to Eric. He was bigger yet up close.
Eric stood before Kenny with his ham-sized fists clenched, his huge face red and contorted with seeming rage.
"Kenny," Eric whispered, "what am I going to tell my wife?"
At that moment Eric broke down into tears and squeezed onto Kenny like a long lost Binky.
Shocked and without words, Kenny patted Eric on the back.
"Shhhhhhh," Kenny mouthed awkwardly. "Shhhhhhhhh."
Kenny was never good with crying people - least of all gigantic, gropey misogynists whom he'd recently fired.
What started out being awkward only became more so after five minutes of sobbing, squeezing, and shushing.
Finally Kenny said, "Maybe you should just lie to your wife, you know? She might get pissed if she finds out you were fired for, you know, feeling that 20 year old up and calling Ruby a bitch. Sorry, dude, but I should probably get back to work."
Kenny wasn't trying to be cold, but as he said the words, he realized that Eric deserved to be fired, and that explaining that to his wife was Eric's problem.
Eric shoved Kenny off and gripped the door handle of his car.
"I'm going to own this place in a month!" Eric exclaimed while wiping the tears from his eyes. They never heard from Eric again.
Eric sped off through the parking lot as Kenny walked back to the doors of the restaurant. His first termination came with some surprises, but all ended up well in the end. Kenny did realize, however, that letting someone go had a ripple effect. Kenny fired Eric for the sake of the restaurant. He hadn't thought about Eric's wife, kids, or problems. Kenny decided from that point on that he would keep track of the number of people he would eventually end up firing. Not for bragging rights, but more so to remember that lazy servers, hungover bus boys, lecherous bartenders, and stoned cooks - as inadequate their performance may be - are people with kids, mortgages, car payments, and student loans. In a way, Kenny said the more people he terminated, the easier it got. By keeping track of the numbers it helped him see all sides of the situation and realize the ramifications. As a result, of the 68 people Kenny has had to fire, he can only recollect one who didn't deserve it. That number would be higher if Kenny didn't keep track.
Anyway, back to the story. Kenny walked slowly back to the restaurant, newly aware of what it meant to be the boss.
There was a group of employees gathered around the hostess stand as Kenny entered. Ruby was there, too.
"Well...what happened?" Shel asked.
"I thought you were supposed to be watching me from the door," Kenny replied.
"Well, I wanted to refill my soda first and then everyone asked me what was going on. We couldn't see you from here anyway," said Shel.
"Are you going to tell us what happened or not?" Ruby interjected.
"He said he was really sorry. That's all."

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